A new chapter

New Years resolution.

Write every day.
I have recently read an article about improving your year. It talked about embracing your creativity and practising it every day. It may start off ugly, but it will only get better. So I am making a promise to write daily and as the year passes I hope that my writing improves. I will be looking for inspiration to guide me along, but for now I will write what I know. My life.

I am back in the land of comfort. I feel aligned and content. Our year away is starting to blur and not feel so negative. I am still not keen to ever do this experiment again, but it is not quite as awful anymore. Of course the distance makes it easier.

I can see the benefits of this time in my children and their personal growth. Now it’s my turn. I feel in the last year my own growth has been stunted. Sure I have experienced different things, but I was surrounded by unbelievers. Sounds religious, doesn’t it? What I mean to say is that I was constantly trying to prove myself. I never felt good enough, there was always an inflection that begged the question of more. Not from everyone of course. In fact in the last couple of months I got to know some lovely ladies that believed in me before they really knew me. That was refreshing.

I suppose what I learnt is that I need to believe in myself, I cannot rely on anyone else to do it for me. I think naturally I am a people pleaser and I feed off the gratitude and love of others, but I need to learn, and have learnt to an extent, that I cannot rely on this. I must love myself, believe in myself and do what I know I am good at. Self doubt is a killer. Self doubt can be compounded by others if you allow it to. Others nearly won.

Now in my land of comfort, it is not so much a physical comfort, but an emotional one. A place where I feel able to be myself and be accepted for being that person. There is nothing more liberating than being able to have a conversation and not having to guard, or double check that what you say will be appropriate. Censorship of one’s own thoughts is not healthy. My tongue has been bitten enough and now it is time to speak.

So I pledge to write daily. I pledge speak my mind, in fiction or non fiction, in English or gibberish, it doesn’t matter if it makes sense to only me, it doesn’t matter if I am the only one that reads it.

Although if you feel like keeping me in check, to make sure I stick to my promise, feel free to send me a message, or a writing prompt. I will happily reply.

So my believers, let the year begin, in a day or two, and let the creativity flow.

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