This roller-coaster of a journey has gone underground. That is to say, the bottom has been hit and then dug into some more, at least I hope it is the bottom. I look forward to the next four weeks with a sense of dread and quiet hope. I should be excited, I have much to be excited for, but there is a cloud hanging dangerously close to extinguishing that final flame.
I should be excited because:
I have a job. English teaching, full time, starting in two and a half weeks.
My parents are coming to visit next week
I will see friends, my sister and her family and my little bro for easter (only two weeks away)
Our kitchen renovation is nearly complete.
Setbacks to this excitement:
I am struggling to remember a time in my life that I was so scared that I wouldn’t have enough money to buy the basics. Employment is something you take for granted, until you don’t have it.
It is at this point in our “adventure” that regret seeps through every pore in my body. I am naturally an optimistic person, but today I am finding it difficult to grasp at the positives of moving here. Today I am finding it difficult to maintain control of my emotions. Today I want to hide from the world and pretend that this was all a dream.
I smile for the first time today, thinking of waking up in my other house.
I have spent two hours on my hands and knees scraping the glue from our kitchen floor. I’m not sure what they stuck Lino on with in the 50s, but whatever it was, it wasn’t meant to come off. physical work is sometimes helpful to improving the mood. Something about serotonin and possibly noxious fumes from the acetone I am using has in fact improved my mood.
I mentioned that I have a job. I haven’t been in the position of sitting for interviews for many years. It is a surreal experience to explain your professional experience and expertise to a group of strangers. After getting the news of the job I was asked to spend a couple of days shadowing the teacher I am replacing. It was like an out of body experience, watching him, watching me, checking my words carefully before awkwardly blurting out sentences that were close to making sense.
I have met my classes. I have been introduced to a very structured curriculum. I have met other teachers, all welcoming on the outside, but there is a sense of hostility, as quiet information is passed along about the unrest of overloaded members.
Being in a school for so long, you learn to accept the faults and just carry on. Being in a new school gives me perspective to look at things from the outside. All schools have issues, many have the same ones. I will be looking closely, as a matter of interest, to see how different this one actually is. We can all use words to sell ourselves. We know what to say to make others impressed; the language required. However, the real test is the action, what happens next. This is true for not only for the school, but for myself and how I cope with this situation. English teaching is not my strongest area, but I will do my best, as only one can.
So begins the school holidays. Kids at home, visitors arriving and lesson plans to prepare. Should be fun!